Literally, the Worst
A phrase I was associated with for much of the summer, but now actually seems to describe my year. If you didn’t know, the first 10 days of 2015 have been less than pleasant. I’ve talked with more doctors, government employees, and insurance agents than I ever have in my life.
The bottom fell out. When it rains, it pours.
And in the words of Michael Scott " I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious".
I don’t usually read too much into things like this, but this year can’t really help it. It’s been 10 days and more has gone wrong in the past week than it did in the past year. Strange right?
2012 was a hard year for me. It didn’t start off bad or anything, but it definitely wasn’t good. It was lonely and hard and I’m really glad it’s over. I don’t ever want to have another year like that. If I am being honest, I live with some irrational fear that my run of good years are running out and I’m due another hard one real soon. And the thought almost paralyzes me.
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
“Trials of many kinds” The kind of trials you had no control over and the kind of trials you got yourself in. They all produce perseverance, and they’re all sharpening you.
I was talking to friend about that very fear. Explaining I felt like I was constantly prepping my heart in case the bottom falls out and I have to deal with all of it again. She responded to me with a question I had shared with her long ago. “Then what?” It comes from a Beth Moore talk I heard a while back on fear. Beth challenged you to think of the worst thing imaginable then ask the question “Then what?” So your year is bad and the worst happens and “Then what?" So you cry and fall apart and life gets harder and “Then what?”
Life gets a lot smaller when you don’t give fear the power to be so big. You take this huge daunting obstacle, and you break it down piece by piece.
The point is, life keeps going. The sun keeps shining.
And in the mist of confusion, this is a really precious constant.
Really, really hard things happen. They seem impossible and there will be days when you don’t remember not crying.
But the sun really does shine again. I look back on that year and what I don’t always remember is how much I learned.
How much grace the Lord poured on me. How much wisdom and truth I heard, even though it was so hard to hear. And how on the days I felt like I really couldn’t make it, the Lord carried me the rest of the way.
I am very ‘stitious’ about 2015. But He’s carried me through this far, and He has yet to fail me.
1/13/2015